Middleton Armiger

So now the Middletons are armigerous; having reached, according to the main criterion for the granting of fresh arms, eminence and presumably that eminence is in the way of having become eminent purveyors of party poppers, whistles and paper hats and having a daughter who has been shacked up with a Prince, on and off, for ten years.

Between royalty and the rest of us there used to be a gulf and, across the board from Japan to Abbysinia, monarchs were there by divine right and, in some cases, were held to be divine.

The principle became seriously eroded: Charles I lost his head over it - but it remained intact enough to stop Edward VIII marrying his Wally and remaining King and to stop Princess Margaret Rose marrying the divorced Peter Townsend. I also think that many people would still say that some extra spark of divine choosing attaches to a proper Princess born and that she should be brought, untainted and, preferably, from across the seas, swathed in white, to her Prince, at a young age, and that they should commit to their union for the good of the people whose figureheads they are to be. The last real Princess who became Queen of the United Kingdom was Princess May of Teck.

I don't take to this attitude (tolerated by the senior members of The Firm and its advisers) in Wills 'n' Kate of 'try before you buy' - and shop around too in the search for personal happiness - and "make sure you don't just find a people's Princess but a Princess from the people", in a sad and transparent attempt:

To curry favour with the masses,
And save your sorry 'asses'.

But it doesn't even end there because there are reports that Wills is refusing a royal dukedom and wishes Kate to be accelerated to the degree of Princess in her own right as though she had been born to that degree: now this is getting out of hand and these lippy and half-chippy youngsters should have been whipped into line long before now!

Out of deference to the Middletons, who have been settled in Berkshire for all of 30 years, I think that Wills 'n' Kate should be created the TRHH Duke and Duchess of Slough.