Wombledon Men's Final

First we had tales of poor gullible fools queuing for a week to sit on Henman Hill for a screening of the finals within earshot of the football rabble's chanting inside Centre Court. Is my memory awry or was it easily within my lifetime that all that punctuated the plopping of the ball to and fro' were: the popping of corks, gentle applause for points actively won (as opposed to deriving from the opponent's unforced errors), and the voices of the linesmen and women and the umpire (additionally there was Dan Mascall's whispered commentary on BBC2).I have often complained that it is the age of the Common Man but I rather regret the observation now because the Common Man is often at least reasonably quiet. Now it is the age of the rabble. Lip-reading the Duchess of Cambridge, she thought ''Isn't this dreadful?''

Along the way, we were treated to the announcement that ''Victoria Beckham has arrived - with huis?band David, of course.'' What  has this scowling misery got to do with anything?

Then we had the spectacle of another in a long, long line of hopeful (but inadequate) Brits flailing around the court in this year's Dance of Death, including, this time, a nearly complete sommersault. We then had to witness the rabble at large and the gradual, palpable loss of heart in the latest British Wannabe, topped off with the inevitable final failure.

That wasn't quite the end though because, having lost what is after all just a game of tennis, the would-be hero couldn't contain his emotions for just long enough to congratulate the Victor and beetle-off to lick his wounds. It wasn't very clear whether wobbly chin and the tears were borne of self-pity; regret for the supporters or for Scotland the Brave. I have to say that I regard myself as a Cornishman but I am a British subject and Murray had already lost  in my book with his militant Scottishness. He didn't even pretend to represent the rest of us. He crowned it with his obvious contempt for the Duke of Kent who would probably prefer to be at home watching it on the telly like everybody else anyway.  I really don't think that I shall watch this tournament again: Henman Hill....Murray Mount....Bumbler's Bump.