Friday, 9 September 2011

Good News

I heard a good one recently: 150ml of red wine avoids the adverse effects of every cigarette (provided that they are taken simultaneously). Accordingly, one should drink a bottle of red wine with every five cigarettes: that works out at four bottles of wine for every pack of twenty cigarettes and, if one happens to be a heavier smoker, with real health concerns, one should drink eight bottles of red wine with every two packs of twenty cigarettes. Presumably, by following this prescription, if one smokes, one never dies.  While we are about it, let's turn the champagne producers' lies on their heads and tell it like it is: the aptly named Bouzy Rouge is the red wine of choice for this practical exercise.
Sounds good to me.
The pity is that, if Ian Fleming had but had this scientific research at his fingertips, he could well have seen in the centenary of his birth, and the world would have got another thirty odd proper James Bond novels: alas! he did not know that he should have been matching his hundred cigarettes a day with twenty bottles of red wine!


  1. "The Spy Who Loved Me - Woke With A Hangover, Then Puked In A Bedside Bucket" - have you not read that one?

    I'm a terrible turncoat, I find that whisky is like suckling curdled milk from a witch's teat. I may be strapped in the dunking stool for this comment.

  2. Whisky (or whiskey) tends to give me a thumping headache and makes me red and angry: think Campbell in Dorothy L Sayer's 'Five Red Herrings'...